5

2010-09-09T02:52:00.004-06:00

I restored my faith in humanity.

What follows is the transcript of a conversation from the website omegle, which is like chatroullete with less fame. I initially got on the site to fuck with people who used the site to get horny and get off. I did fuck with those people, I think, a little, if at all. Here is what happened (I am "You." Restorer of Faith in Humanity is "Stranger.")

Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.
Stranger: hi
Stranger: broski
You: brosasdkk
Stranger: broseph
You: that's the official spelling
Stranger: oh lol cool
You: you didn't lol
You: i saw it
You: i win
You: you lose
Stranger: awesome
You: me champion of the universe
Stranger: u lose in life
You: u lose in internet
Stranger: ok
Stranger: im fne with that
You: when ever u see dudes trying to masturbate on this shit
You: just start chanting "mother theresa"
You: i'm trying to start that as the new thing
You: solidarity
Stranger: hahha yea i will
Stranger: but i dont know her verses
You: just chant her name
You: she couldn't talk
You: and she was illiterate
You: she was basically an ugly loser
You: it will ruin boners
Stranger: oh ok cool
Stranger: why was she famous
Stranger: why do bitches love her
You: she prayed for cripples in india or something
You: wait
You: you don't know who mother theresa is?
Stranger: not really no. ive heard of her name and like the nobel peace prize or something
You: she's like the kanye west of philanthropy
You: basically, a bitch
Stranger: haha ok cool.
Stranger: what girl isnt a bitch
You: kanye west
You: although she's kind of a prude
You: kanye that is
Stranger: yea haha so where u from
You: south africa
You: which is in america now
Stranger: ?
Stranger: oh where at
You: colorado
You: which is like bible belt #2
Stranger: oh that sucks ass.
Stranger: i havent been to church since i was like 8
You: i went to church in high school
You: i went to high school when i was 8
You: i'm very smart
Stranger: yea u must be.
You: i'm like short circuit smart
Stranger: i live in maryland
You: damn is that still a state
Stranger: yea watcha mean?
You: i don't know it was a joke that would've been funnier if i was funnier
Stranger: ur cool
You: yeah it didn't work
You: thanks dude
You: i've trying trying to fuck with people all night and yr the 1st person to put up with my shit
You: you must be bored
Stranger: really? u dont seem mean or anything
Stranger: yea im bored
You: i've just been making dumb jokes about peoples balls
You: and wearing an arab headdress
Stranger: haha nice. are u really religious?
You: no
You: not in any real sense of the word
Stranger: have u seen that movie religiouslous?
You: is that the bill mahr one?
You: haven't seen it
Stranger: yea. my brother made me watch it. it was pretty intresting
You: i have seen jesus camp, which was filmed about 3 hours south of where i live
You: i'm not a huge fan of bill mahr
Stranger: yea i dont like his stand up. but that movie was cool
You: i might check it out
You: my netflix list is fucking long at this point though
Stranger: yea dont like rush to see it. whats jesus camp about?
You: it's a documentary about bible camps that are really really really conservative and very evangelical to an extreme
You: it's pretty distubring
Stranger: must be. sounds scary as shit. i would be in hell if i went there
You: yeah it's pretty intense
You: it's like all the nightmares you see on cnn about religious extremists being taught to kids
Stranger: oh ok haha yea
Stranger: like the dudes with all the wifes
Stranger: what do they call those kinda churches or towns
You: different religion but similar in intensity of belief and intensity of nonallowance of other beliefs
You: the mormons?
You: mormonism
You: yeah, i have a couple mormon friends here since utah borders colorado
Stranger: yea that but there was something else
You: i don't know what else it would be
Stranger: wat ev. forget it. yea we had this family that we were very good friends with growing up. who were mormons. they were really nice and friendly
You: yeah, apparently it's a pretty strange thing to grow up with
Stranger: but its crazy how like they just think that they are only ones that will go to heaven or somethiong
You: yeah
You: and that the men get like 7 planets or something
You: each occupied by a wife
You: i'm not making this shit up
Stranger: haha yea i know. i just never heard of much abut like the details of the religion thats wild
You: yeah, it's pretty bizarre. there's a south park episode about it that actually follows the mythology and beliefs of the religion pretty closeley
Stranger: oh yea i think i saw part of that one. but forgot it
Stranger: u can go to south park site and watch the full episodes its tight
You: yeah, i can only take that show every once in a while
Stranger: oh yea. i havent seen any new episodes in forever
You: yeah, i haven't either
You: but i can tell you this
Stranger: u dont like the humour or something?
You: living in colorado makes that show funnier
You: i like the humor
You: it's just better in small doses, imo
Stranger: cool. do u watch family guy?
You: not a fan of family guy
Stranger: oh no. why not?
You: i think when they have moments where the characters do or say absurd things can be funny
You: but i think the humor relies too much on references to pop culture in a way that's just not very interesting to me
You: i liked family guy in high school
Stranger: oh ok cool. yea i understand
You: i think college ruined it for me
You: the exposure to everything new
You: are you in college?
Stranger: yea but its a community college. so its pretty much like the 13th grade
You: what are you studying
Stranger: undecided right now
Stranger: u?
Stranger: where do u go?
You: i got my undergrad degree in english at ball state and now i'm at colorado state working on my mfa in poetry
You: totally all useless
You: i think whatever degree you get at community college will probably get you a better paying job than whatever i'll ever get
You: mfa in poetry is all i'm sayin
You: what will i do with that
Stranger: whyd u decide to go into poetry?
You: i just really like poetry
You: i think it's the real art form of writing
Stranger: no i understand. but its something u love so thats good
You: yeah, and the program is great
You: it's just expensive is all
You: loans are shit
Stranger: whats mfa?
You: what do you think you'll end up doing?
You: master of fine arts
Stranger: man honestly i have no idea
You: how old are you?
You: if that's not a weird question
Stranger: i like sociallagy and psychology
Stranger: im 20
You: well, you have some time
You: i think those are two awesome fields
You: psychology is the one with the money
You: sociology seems like a doorway to other things
You: at least based on friends' experiences
Stranger: yea true. but idk i dont know if id wanna be a teacher or a shrink or work at a buisness
You: yeah you could go either way
You: i'm still trying to figure that shit out
You: i think that's why i'm still in school
Stranger: i like this one class im taking now sports psychology
You: that sounds pretty awesome actually
Stranger: yea its really cool. do u like sports?
You: yeah, i love football and basketball mostly
You: some soccer
Stranger: nice yea same for me. i also like boxing. baseball every once in a while
You: i can't do baseball. and boxing always seemed like something to watch other people, which i've never done
You: so are you a fan of the dc area teams?
Stranger: yea. skins is my fav sports team. i like the orioles tho for baseball not nationals cause of growing up watching them as kid
You: oh right, i forgot about the nationals
You: i figured orioles
You: i'm a vikings fan first and foremost
You: i was raised by my minnesotan dad to be so
Stranger: oh thats cool. yea brett favres awesome. this might be there year
You: i don't think it will be
You: if any year was their year it was last year
You: i'm still excited for tomorrow's game though
Stranger: yea true do u think they got screwed?
You: by favre?
Stranger: o when they played the saints
You: i remember thinking there was a bad call at one point
You: but i also remember thinking "goddammit, these vikings. why can't adrian peterson hold on to a damn football."
Stranger: yea i know. people are hating on him so much
You: including me
You: but honestly, he delivers too
You: it's like hitler saved germany from economic death but then he fucked their legacy and killed half their population
You: shit
You: i just compared adrian peterson to hitler
You: hitler is worse
Stranger: haha yea i know
Stranger: i just found out recently that my great great grandfather or something was a nazi. he was in the ss
You: shit. that's an intense thing to find out
Stranger: yea my grandmother whos from germany never talks about that side of her family
You: did you have an existential crisis over that?
Stranger: what? no i didnt think too much into it
You: yeah, that's probably best
You: i mean, objectively, it has no bearing on you as a human being
You: i remember asking my grandma from georgia if we had ancestors that were slave owners and i was very serious about it
You: she said no
You: which made me feel better but also i felt like, "what if she was lying"
Stranger: oh ok. im kinda intrested actually yea in geneology id like to find out more
You: yeah
You: it's an interesting thing
You: over the years i feel like i want to know less about my family though
Stranger: existential? sorry for my ignorance
You: dealing with the nature of existence
You: all the philosophical or spiritual questions that may arise
Stranger: no im cool i know im a pretty upbeat friendly person
Stranger: so watever
You: what?
You: what was that in reference to?
Stranger: my ancestor being a nazi
You: oh right
You: dude being related to a nazi means nothing
You: i deleted that comment because i couldn't find a way to say it without making it seem strange or judgmental, which i didn't want it to be
Stranger: no please do im curious now . why do u wanna know less about ur family
You: i'm trying to find a page that will make it make sense though
You: i just feel like my family is the people i know who are alive
You: that is my family
You: the people i know
Stranger: yea true i guess thats how i feel to
You: i know for a fact that i'm related to samuel fb morse, inventor of morse code, which is my nazi
You: he published countless essays about how slavery in america is a wonderful and necessary thing
You: little known fact about that man
Stranger: whats the fact?
Stranger: oh ok
You: the fact about the essays
Stranger: what comment did u delete?
You: i was trying to find a wikipedia page for you about brian hitler
You: he was a british relative of hitler
You: nephew i think
You: he and his siblings decided to never have children in order to end the hitler name
You: i don't know why i'm bringing this up
You: i'm a little drunk and that either brings out weird or very serious in me
You: brian peterson
Stranger: oh thats crazy. if u were him would u do the same?
You: i don't think so
You: i might change my name
Stranger: me neither
You: but i wouldn't let my uncle's bullshit get in the way of my life
You: that seems sad and weak
Stranger: what were u drinking?
You: i had a bottle of wine and a gin a tonic
Stranger: oh cool. at a bar or just chillin
You: just chillin
You: i have an easy schedule
You: btw is my video showing up to you?
You: this is my first time using this site
Stranger: oh no
You: shit
You: i don't know how to make that shit work
You: i can see you
Stranger: cool
Stranger: u can scroll over your screen and hit off then on
Stranger: maybe
You: yeah, it doesn't do anything
Stranger: have u used chatroulette?
You: yeah, it's never worked for me
Stranger: oh cool. so whats going on tommorow for u
You: i have to work at an internship at 1. then basketball then the vikings game.
Stranger: what kinda internship
Stranger: ur on the team at ur school?
You: working at the colorado review, which is a literary journal, basically just reading shitty poems and sending out letters that say we don't want to publish your poem
You: no not the team
You: just playing with friends to try to get exercise
You: grad school is old people time
You: we gotta get exercise somehow
Stranger: omg im so outta shape. ur not old. lol
Stranger: do u ever see a poem thats actually good
You: i haven't yet
You: yeah, i smoke to much to play basketball well
Stranger: oh haha yea what kinda smoking?
You: usually camel lights
You: or blues or whatever they're called now
You: dude, you should go to sleep
You: you're yawning
Stranger: cool. yea a lot of my friends smoke they usually get the camel crush watever'
You: crush is weird
You: menthol or light? you choose
You: that's fucking weird
You: also menthol is kind of gross
Stranger: yea i know ive tried it and it was nasty
You: i used to smoke turkish silvers which were tasty
You: and then i got poor going to grad school
Stranger: i only smoke if im like obliterated drunk
Stranger: haha oh ok
Stranger: are they really expensive
You: depends what state you're in i guess
You: colorado and indiana they're about 5 bucks a pack
You: i've heard east coast is more expensive
Stranger: omg yea thats really cheap
Stranger: here its like 7 or 8 a pack
You: damn dude
You: i would probably quit if i lived out there
Stranger: have u been to the east coast?
You: pretty much only in the south
You: my gf is from rochester, ny and she always gives me shit about it
You: dude, i need to go to bed
Stranger: oh ok cool yea i should to i guess
You: gotta say though
You: i was surprised to find a cool human being on this site
You: i thought it would be all bullshit
Stranger: thanks yea me to at this hour
You: well, i wish you all the best
Stranger: yea same to u nice talking with u
You: you seem like you deserve it
Stranger: u to. i hope u hit it big
You: i hope you have a good night and day and week and all, etc.
Stranger: yea i know u will be successful u seem very driven
You: haha i guess. anyway. you are cool. let's hope it works out for both. good night.
Stranger: aok cool see ya good night

thank you for this (in)significant conversation, stranger. it's probably a boring read and not much to anyone else but it revitalized me. life is much more important than anything and life is exactly what it is: a series of moments that will surprise you, interspersed with so many moments that will seem like so many others to the point that you will not remember or even care to remember.

well, here's to remembering a small, surprising moment of life.

No Fail

2010-07-26T18:51:00.002-06:00

I hope this blog doesn't come across as a failure. I hope to do more in the future with this. I just need to figure out a way to do it right.

4

2009-12-10T20:01:00.003-07:00

I filled my shoes with snow and put my bare feet into the snow-filled shoes.

for Shaun Gannon

3

2009-12-05T21:56:00.001-07:00

I cut out all the food words from my grocery store receipt and ate them.

2

2009-12-05T20:11:00.001-07:00

I gave myself a glitter mustache.

1

2009-12-05T20:08:00.001-07:00

I drank a Coors Light spiced with 12 shakes of black pepper.

It was difficult to document this one in the barlight.

THINGS I HAVEN'T DONE I WILL DO

5

No Fail

4

3

2

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